Torres Dos

About two weeks ago* I came across this article, mostly about how Torres was gonna take up some seriously bad-ass spanish sacrificing ritual to break his dry spell.

NO not that, THIS 

For those of you too lazy to google this yourself and read, here's a summary. He was gonna take a goat, make it crap on both ends of the FOOTBALL FIELD i.e. and then eat it. The goat, not the crap (ewww guys, you're gross)

Quick: think cute puppies!

Let's punch some holes in this story shall we?

1) These grounds take millions of monies to be built and ain't nobody crapping on those unless you paid for them to be built

May I interest you in one of these instead?

2) So lets assume they do LET him perform the ritual; they're probably going to make him pick up right after (it's the law people!). So would that render the ceremony moot?

See! it says so on the board

3) So they let him do the crapping business and let the crap stay there. If that does happen, no goalkeepers' gonna want to stand there.

OH! I get it now! thaaat's how you break the dry spell.

                                      No need to Bitch face me ok? Lets be civil

But it does expose your entire team to being annhilated by the opposition or does an own goal also serve his purpose? Man if monies can't buy loyalties, then this is not a world I want to live in.

its ok, here are some puppies

My solution to his problem has always been simple and I've been charting the evolution of his hair through the course of his stay at Stamford Bridge and I must say the day he scored; his hair had never looked better in blue.

guess which one he managed to score in?

Chelsea + Torres fan from around the world will agree that he should hold on to that look for dear life and also make it rain more often with his voodoo powers. If he can't, I've read Peter Jackson's short of a hobbit.

     el hobbit (its fate)

* Some confessions: This blog as you will see from its timeline should've been published in April '11, but hey innit awesome that pre-season kick offs have made this somewhat relevant again (I'm delusional, I'm aware of this)
The article upon which this blog post is based was an April Fools Day prank. People seriously if only you made the effort to read it for yourselves.

Pre-season training pictures of Torres with hair worse than ever (sad face)

Season's doomed already

Notice the difference in hair when he plays at Wycombe and how it affects his score sheet

Glorious HAIR! AMEN

*All images via Google and ChelseasFC.com